Monday, August 31, 2009

You're not better than "Joe Vs. The Volcano"

Yeah, I'm talking to you. You wanna poke fun at "Joe Vs. The Volcano"? Well my friend, you have some serious growing up to do. I am sick of when people talk about "bad movies" and "Joe" is included. "Joe" is a wonderful feel-good story which any "working Joe" can relate to, that's even why he's named "Joe" people! Come on! Let's go through some of the best parts together!

The Brain Cloud - Joe hates his job and hates his life. Then he is diagnosed with a terminal brain cloud and is given the opportunity to use his impending demise as a sacrifice for the small island tribe, the Waponi. All he has to do is jump into a volcano called The Big Woo, hence the title, "Joe Vs. the Volcano". Just an amazing set up for the further excellence that comes. Also, great acting from the "Unsolved Mysteries" guy as the doctor who gives Joe the bad news and Lloyd Bridges as the guy who wants him to sacrifice himself for the Waponi.

The Luggage - Joe's gonna do it and Lloyd Bridges is giving him a boatload of money to enjoy his last few days before the big jump. Joe goes on a spending spree with his limo driver, Ossie Davis (underrated) and they pick up the best luggage known to man. These trunks are better at holding your sh*t on a trip than Wayne Gretzky is at hockey stuff. The trunks float so well that not once, but twice they serve as a raft when Joe finds himself alone in the ocean and which leads to the best scene in the movie....

The Moon scene - This is when Joe and his lady friend are alone in the vast ocean with no land in sight. Death seems imminent and Joe's lady friend has been unconscious since their ship wrecked. It's at this moment when Joe realizes how much he appreciates life and how he will now live his life to the fullest, at least until he jumps into the volcano. It's a moment of clarity I think we all strive to attain someday and yeah I am writing 100% from the heart about "Joe Vs. the Volcano". YOU ARE NOT BETTER THAN "JOE VS. THE VOLCANO".

Meg Ryan - Meg Ryan was hot. I mean really hot. Sadly, the surgically altered clown face we now know as Meg Ryan makes us forget this. It's nice to go back to see how she was, kinda like looking at old pictures of the Parthenon. She also really shows off her acting chops in this movie by playing no less than three different roles! That ain't easy. And how many characters does the leading lady play in your favorite movie? One? What a challenge, I bet you use the bumpers when you go bowling too. Bottom line, if I had the choice of 1990 Meg Ryan or saving a small tribe by jumping in a volcano it'd be a tough choice even if I had a brain cloud. And about that small tribe...

The Waponi - Gotta LOVE the Waponi. Any tropical tribe whose chief is played by Abe Vigoda and second in command is Nathan Lane cannot be matched for originality. Plus they love orange soda more than Kel Mitchell. They also really know how to send off a guy who's gonna jump in a volcano with one kickass party. Too bad they all died.

Yep, they all die. Joe tries to jump in the volcano and Meg Ryan goes with him and the volcano spits them both out. So I can't really say who won, Joe or the volcano, which I'd have to say is the only big flaw in the movie. But it ends with a bang as Joe and Meg Ryan float away on the luggage and we find out the doctor who told Joe he had a brain cloud was really working for Lloyd Bridges (who is Meg Ryan's dad) and it's all a lie. So Joe is fine and he and Meg Ryan love each other and life is good.

Is it the best movie ever? I guess not. But it's still a great story of a man who is miserable and is given the gift of appreciating his life when he's falsely diagnosed with a brain cloud. You got some good lines, some good actions scenes, and some nice romance. And it's got Ossie Davis! So stop acting like you're better than "Joe Vs. the Volcano" and pop it in the VCR one more time and enjoy. And remember no matter how bad your job is, you'll never be as miserable as Joe was.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Thirsty Thursday

I know I let you all down by missing a post yesterday, but I hope you can trust that I had important things keeping me away. And fun fact, I don't know if you were like me and thought you could drill a screw into a metal door but guess what? You can't.

With it being Thursday and many of you waiting until the clock strikes five to go out and get a refreshing beverage, I thought it was a good time to list some characters from movies I'd enjoying grabbing a beer with. Repeat, grab a beer with. The "Sex and the City" chicks and their cosmos are not eligible.

Band - Stillwater

People like the term "party like a rock star" so I thought my first group should be the guys from the band Stillwater from "Almost Famous". I like bands where the guys grew up together, not where someone answered an ad in the paper or someone was banging someone whose cousin's band needed a keyboardist. These guys seem like down to earth dudes, especially because in the movie they hadn't really hit it big yet. Finally, they were a rock band in the 70's so their stories would be outrageous and just get better as the Miller High Life kept flowing.

Criminals - Eddie, Tom, Soap and Bacon

The crew from "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels" would be my choice for criminals I'd like to grab a pint with. Mostly because they're not real criminals, they just got put in a tough situation and had to act outside the law. That takes a lot of the danger out of the scenario and would make me feel a lot better about not being stabbed or have someone yell "I'm funny how?" at me. You also can't go wrong with Sting being the bartender at the bar they drink at either. And if Vinnie Jones came by to slam down a Smithwick's as well, I'd allow it and tell him I loved "Eurotrip".

Athletes - Cleveland Indians

The movie "Major League" might be my favorite all-time baseball movie. To all the people who just freaked out and said "What about 'Field of Dreams'?" Well in that movie Shoeless Joe Jackson bats right-handed when in real life he hit lefty. You can't have those type of errors and contend for top baseball movie in my opinion I don't care how touching that game of catch is. Besides we all know Rick Vaughn did actually pitch in the California Penal League. I just think the characters on this Indians club would be the balls to drink with. I feel like it would be similar to the "Wade Boggs once drank 64 Miller Lites on a cross-country trip" story.

Actors - Mikey, Trent, Rob, Sue and Charles

I bet you thought I meant real actors, didn't you? Actually I am referring to the guys from the movie "Swingers". Now I don't think I'd want to spend the weekend with these guys, but the night when they meet up with Charles (the blind guy from "Becker", shut up you watched "Becker") and they hang out talking about movies beforehand was cool with me. I wouldn't mind shooting the sh*t about some movies with this crew over some Blue Moons then hitting a party or bar. The one criteria I'd have is I get to be the one to say "Yeah this place is dead anyways" when we leave.

Regular guys - Willie, Tommy, Paul, Mo and Kev

Now here's my number one for guys I'd wanna have a Coors Light with. Just a couple regular guys from a snowy town in Massachusetts together for their high school reunion hanging at The Johnson Inn (They got apps!). They get MAJOR points for when they break into the rendition of "Sweet Caroline" because drunk singing is one of my all-time favorite pastimes. They also hang out with some pretty smoking ladies like Uma Thurman, Lauren Holly, Mira Sorvino and a 15-year-old Natalie Portman. Actually, move that last one to first on the list.

Have a fun and safe Thirsty Thursday everyone, and if there's any character you'd wanna have a beer with email us at or call in to the podcast next Wednesday.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Who came out ahead?

I was watching "Armageddon" in HD on Encore On Demand last night and I highly recommend it to all even if you've seen it. But that is not the point of this post. Rather seeing Liv Tyler having her stomach molested with animal crackers by Ben Affleck got me thinking. Who had the better career out of Liv Tyler and Alicia Silverstone?

The two appeared together in the Aerosmith video "Crazy" in 1993. Now if you haven't seen it, watch it now, I'll wait....Ok, you see it? Yeah guess what, that creepy lead singer? He's the dark haired one's dad!!! Let that set in for a second, how f*cking creepy is that? I thought the other day how if I had a daughter I wouldn't even let her wear a two piece bathing suit until she was married and he's having his daughter dance on a stripper pole in a music video when she was 16?? Also, fun fact, Liv didn't know Steven Tyler was her dad until she was nine because her mom told her it was someone else until Liv noticed a resemblance she had to Steven's other daughter. Now think about how Liv Tyler seems kinda normal, isn't that mind-blowing?

That's why these two actresses are connected and that's why I am gonna see which one of these two lovely ladies had the best career to date. We're going with four categories: Looks, Filmography, Personal Life, and Relevance Today.


Well it all comes down to the age old question of blonde vs brunette. I like both because of a different age old saying "beggars can't be choosers" but I know whatever I say many will disagree with because of your own personal preferences. I gotta go with Alicia here. I am a face guy and I just think she's got the better mug. Liv does have a nice body but normally chicks wear clothes like 80% of the time, the face can't hide like that.

Point - Silverstone


Now I thought this was going to be a little bit more difficult, but I gotta be honest Liv smokes Alicia here. I guess I thought since Liv never was the main character of a big movie like Alicia was in "Clueless" it'd be more of a contest but it's not even close. Liv stars in two of my favorite movies about music ("Empire Records" and "That Thing You Do"), a big budget action blockbuster ("Armageddon"), an underrated drama ("Reign Over Me"), a horror movie ("The Strangers") and an Oscar winner ("Lord of the Rings: Return of the King" yeah it counts!). Alicia's credits aside from "Clueless" are pretty bad, such as "Blast From the Past". And no matter how hard she tries, she's not wiping the stink of "Batman and Robin" off. She does get a lot of credit in my book for having a guest appearance on "The Wonder Years" though. Kevin Arnold is the man.

Point - Tyler

Personal Life

I don't know why I included this. I guess I thought I'd find more when I looked it up, like one of them dated De Niro and the other banged Nicholson. Sadly, this is not the case. According to her wikipedia Alicia dated Leonardo DiCaprio at one point and Liv dated Joaquin Phoenix. Come to think of it in 20 years that could be like dating De Niro and Nicholson, that's kinda spooky how that came together like that. I didn't even plan that. Anyways, both of them eventually married dudes from bands you've never heard of. Even though Liv recently separated from her husband and there could be some scandalous sex tape in her future, I gotta call this a draw.

Point - Push

Relevance Today

This one is pretty obvious because I am sure most of you had forgotten about Alicia until I wrote this. Sadly, the career didn't seem to go the way the girl who once played Cher Horowitz intended. The biggest movie I see she's been in recently was "Beauty Shop", score. She has something coming out called "Elektra Luxx" in 2010. I don't know what that is and I have blog about movies so I can't imagine it's the career boost she's hoping for. Liv on the other hand was just in "The Incredible Hulk" and is working on a sequel to "The Strangers" as well as two more movies according to IMDB. Plus her dad is still the lead singer of Aerosmith, so she's got that going for her. So when it comes down to it, you just see/think/hear more about Liv than you do Alicia.

Point - Liv

So there you have it. As of right now, Liv Tyler has turned into the Shawn Michaels of the "Crazy" video and Alicia Silverstone is the Marty Jannetty. And we are two for two in blogging everyday while Eric's away so far. See you tomorrow?

Monday, August 17, 2009

While the cat's away....

With Eric MIA for the next week and without a new podcast for the week I felt like I owed you, the rabid fanbase, a bit more effort on the blog for the coming week. So I have vowed to post at least one new blog everyday this week. You should be warned the last time I made a vow it was that I'd watch all three Lord of the Rings movies in one day and I still have yet to do it, and it was five years ago that I made that vow. Still, we're off to a good start!


Any fan of "Seinfeld" is well versed in the made-up movies from the show. Some of the all time great scenes centered on these fictional works of cinema such as Kramer taking over for the Moviefone guy ("You've selected 'Brown-Eyed Girl'?...Why don't you just tell me the name of the movie you want to see!") or when George's dad freaks out when hearing Jerry and another character discuss a movie ("It has nothing to do with the plot!" "Still I like to go in fresh!"). I thought it was time we discuss which of these movies would be the ones I'd most want to see if they existed. Let's count 'em down...

5. "Blimp"

This is about the Hindeburg explosion and is from the seldom seen "Puerto Rican Day" episode where George yells out "That's gotta hurt!" during the climatic scene. He gets such a great reaction he goes to a second showing to try out the line again, but due to the presence of a guy with a laser pointer it falls flat.

I feel like while this wouldn't be an Oscar winner or turn into one of my favorites, it would still be worth watching. I mean could it be any worse than "Poseidon"?

Comedic factor on the show = 6
Desire to see it if it were real = 6

4. "Sack Lunch"

The plot points of this film are not known, but the movie poster shows a family stuck in a lunch sack. Elaine wonders was the family shrunk down to fit in the sack or is it some sort of giant sack. I can't help you with this but I loved how the involvement of this movie in the episode was how everyone Elaine knew wanted to see "The English Patient" while she wanted to see this movie which looked like crap. I hate when people get all into an artsy movie and then make you feel bad for just wanting to see something fun. If this episode was about "Babel" and "Mr. Woodcock" then I would be suing Larry David right now saying he stole it from my life.

Comedic factor on the show = 7
Desire to see it if it were real = 6

3. Agent Zero/Firestorm/Death Blow

These three movies were like the spaghetti westerns (is it still ok to use that term?) that Clint Eastwood starred in where I feel they were connected despite not having the same characters. They were all action films referenced throughout the series. "Agent Zero" was one of the films Kramer offers up when he is pretending to be Moviefone. "Firestorm" starred Harrison Ford and is the movie George's dad wants "to go in fresh!" for. "Death Blow" is the movie Jerry bootlegs and turns him into a legend on the street.

Three great titles for action movies, although "Firestorm" loses points because it eventually was used in real life in a movie starring former NFL Defensive End Howie Long, or as the women know him, the guy with the very ambiguous relationship to Teri Hatcher in those old Radio Shack commercials.

Comedic factor on the show = 7.5
Desire to see if it were real = 7

2. "Rochelle, Rochelle"

The hands down favorite to take the number one spot on the list, the tale of a "young girl's strange, erotic journey from Milan to Minsk" was by far the most referenced movie of the series. The characters saw it in the theaters, George later rented it on VHS, and even later Jerry dated the understudy to Bette Middler from the Broadway rendition of the story. And the movie was always described as having "a lot of nudity" which is always a crowd pleaser here at Really Reel Reviews.

Comedic Factor on the show = 8
Desire to see if it were real = 9

1. "Chunnel"

Boom! I don't know how this movie hasn't been made in real life. I mean the pieces are all there, even the supposed plot of the movie on the show sounds great. According to the "Seinfeld" fictional films wikipedia, it was about the President of the United States' daughter being trapped between England and France. And you know there was some former FBI agent on board going to sightsee in Europe after being let go by the very government he swore to protect and now they need him again! Oh man, that movie would rock! This was another movie in the Moviefone episode and the tagline is "Chunnel" 32 Miles of Hell. AWESOME.

Comedic factor on the show = 7.5
Desire to see if it were real = 10

So those are my five, as always if you disagree or have comments please email us or you can save it for the next podcast we do.

Monday, August 10, 2009

The New Saturday Morning Cartoon

Getting old sucks. It becomes a lot more “I’m too tired” and less “oh cool, sounds fun!” Getting old sucks. Slowly going from “I think I did something to my back” to just “Hold on, my backs f*d” – and I’m only 26! But the main reason getting old sucks is because my Saturday mornings are a lot more “Beverly Hills: 90210” reruns and HGTV instead of "X-Men" or "Woody Woodpecker"…hell, I even used to get down with "Eek! The Cat".
I miss my cartoons. Nothing beat getting up early, grabbing some Kix – kid tested, mother approved – and watching my favorite characters on television. But now what? I can’t get into any of today’s cartoons. There’s either a seizure or a restraining order waiting for me on the other end of that half hour. So what do I do when I want my animated fix?
That’s why I’m going to rundown the top 5 animated movies for adults. So many people are quick to dismiss animated films as if they cannot be serious. But that is not the case. In fact, many animated films are very serious and use animation as the vehicle to visually present many complex ideas, theories and concepts. From science fiction to documentaries, animation allows the filmmaker to express the otherwise imperceiveable. This list will definitely need to be expanded as I have not even tapped the great keg of animated feature films, but of the many I have seen here are 5 that you probably have missed, but should see (in chronological order)…

5. Ghost in the Shell, 1995 Japan (not subtitled) - This is a beautiful film that is enjoyable and captivating for the entirety of its 82minute runtime. I will say that the voice talent is absolutely terrible. I wish I could blame it on good acting that was trying to capture the mechanical qualities of some of its characters, but honestly it’s just bad. However, that can’t be held against the movie since I watched the American version and this is originally a Japanese flick. A lot of The Matrix elements could be said to be taken from this film. I say watch and decide for yourself. Either way, I’m sure you will appreciate both films for their own originality and visual lure.

4. Waking Life, 2001 USA – As I’ve mentioned, animation is no longer just a child’s medium. Some films on this list prove that with violence and presentation of futuristic landscapes and technologies. Waking Life, however, focuses on the cerebral, the surreal, and the subconscious. This film utilizes rotoscoping which is the process of filming a live action movie and animating over it. If you’ve seen the Charles Schwab “talk to chuck” commercials you know what I’m talking about. However, this film was done well before that art was perfected so excuse the “jumpiness” and enjoy the journey!

3. Renaissance, 2006 France (not subtitled)
Another visually striking film, Renaissance is mostly in black and white. This plot is a little convoluted at times, but at least the voice talents are superb, and the aesthetics will hold you long enough while you sort out the story. The English version features Daniel Craig as Paris police captain, Karas.

2. A Scanner Darkly, 2006 USA
– This is an adaptation of a Philip K. Dick novel by the same name. If you’ve ever read a PKD novel or enjoyed any movies inspired by his novels (Total Recall, Minority Report, Blade Runner) I say you give this one a shot. It will not please everyone; I’m a huge PKD fan and I wasn’t sure what to make of this movie the first time through. But it is visually stunning and presents us with a much more dismal future than we’re used to in other futuristic animated films. The cast is also an added bonus: Keanu Reeves, Robert Downey, Jr., Woody Harreslon, and Wynona Ryder.

1. Waltz with Bashir, 2008 Israel (subtitled)
The music and scenery are absolutely breathtaking. Visually this is an absolutely beautiful film which serves it well because you are safely held at a distance from the atrocities of war while the director ventures into a world of memory and the abstract. I will say that I do not know the history of the Lebanon war too well, but this movie did seem to be a little one-sided. Being a personal documentary, I’m not sure we can fault the filmmaker for this. This film was the first animated film to be nominated for a Best Foreign Film Academy Award and after watching it I am confident you will understand why.

I hope you check out all or at least some of these. In the meantime be sure to check out this upcoming filmmaker, Ben Levin. He is totally hilarious and his Election Time PSAs are hilarious regardless of your political affiliation.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Is "The Happening" the worst movie of all-time?

When M. Night Shyamalan came out with his latest film called "The Happening" I was rather intrigued. I know his movies since "The Sixth Sense" have all fallen kind of flat, even though I thought "Signs" was pretty good and I liked "Unbreakable". Still every time he comes out with something new the trailers completely suck me in and I can't wait to see the movie.

Well I was a little bit late to the dance on this flick, and when my friends saw it opening weekend and told me it was the worst movie they'd ever seen I was not as eager to shell out $12 to see it. So I did the next best thing, I made my friend Mike tell me the whole movie, and it sounded like the worst movie I'd ever heard of.

But it would be unfair to M. Night to simply give his movie such a title without viewing it myself and that is what I plan to do right now. It was on HBO last night, I DVR-ed it and am going to watch it and keep a running diary throughout the movie and let's just see at the end if this will hold onto the belt in the World's Worst Movie championship! (Spoiler alert: It's a running diary of the whole movie, I'm gonna discuss plot points, twists and the end so if you wanna see it at some point don't read this. But let's face it, if you're trying to guard yourself from having "The Happening" ruined for you then I think you have some more serious issues to focus on.)

0:02 - I'm so excited for Marky Mark, I can't wait to see him try to pull off being a simple science teacher. By the way, poor hiring background checks at this high school that would hire Wahlberg after he fingered Reese Witherspoon on a ferris wheel when she was 16.

0:03 - The credits are white text against a back drop of white clouds making reading it like taking an eye exam, not a good sign for where we're headed.

0:08 - A bunch of people just mysteriously killed themselves in New York City. I didn't know Knicks fans had come that far!

0:09 - Wahlberg just told a high school boy he had a perfect face, I told you they should have done that background check.

0:12 - Ferris Bueller's best friend Cameron playing the principal, it's going to be tough to beat that for best cameo. Also they think it was a terrorist attack in New York and Wahlberg goes "Central Park? That's kinda odd." Yeah Mark, it's odd terrorists would target a highly populated area in NYC for an attack.

0:14 - Painful scene of John Leguizamo and Wahlberg talking to let us know that Wahlberg's wife might be leaving him. I have a hunch this "happening" might bring them closer together. Wahlberg's wife played by Zooey Deschanel keeps getting cell calls from a "Joey", possible male lover but I'm hoping for Joey Potter from "Dawson's Creek".

0:20 - People start killing themselves in Philadelphia, which is fitting because it's like a Baby New York.

0:23 - The train Wahlberg got on with his wife and Leguizamo just stopped in a random PA town. I like how the train randomly stops, all the conductors are just talking and no one besides Wahlberg goes up to them to see what's going on. Wahlberg also just said "We're in a small town, nothing will happen to us here." Awesome.

0:27 - Some random woman gets a video on her phone from a zoo where a man goes into a lion's den and lets lions rip off his arms. M. Night is really letting loose with the R rating here. The news says it's no longer likely a terrorist attack and shows a map of it only hitting the northeast with the town Wahlberg's in being the center. Way to jinx yourself Mark, maybe next he'll say "I bet if this was a movie it'd be a sure-fire hit!"

0:29 - The classic random guy says "If we stay here we're all gonna die". Everyone leaves, Leguizamo heads to Jersey to get his wife, Wahlberg and his wife take his kid and go off with a family.

0:31 - They get to the family's house which is right near two gigantic stacks from a power plant. A more effective way to establish the theme might have been to have a sky writer spell out "Man is ruining the environment". The family keeps a greenhouse and says plants can release chemicals and are affected by humans. See where we're heading here?

0:36 - Uh-oh Leguizamo gets to Jersey but it's "happened" there too and they drive right into a tree. He survives then slits his wrists with the broken windshield. M Night is really going gruesome with these deaths.

0:41 - Wow, this is really falling apart. A woman is talking to her daughter who is in Jersey and Wahlberg has her ask if it's infected. The woman asks and she says everyone's dead outside. Wahlberg semi reacts, five seconds pass, the woman then says honey you're talking funny and THEN Wahlberg goes "What do you mean everyone's dead?" Again, at least 5 seconds had passed after she said everyone was dead and she had gone on to a new topic before Wahlberg asked that. I mean he had to have missed his cue there right? Please? Think about if someone said to you we're out of mayo and you waited five seconds and waited for them to start another conversation before saying "What do you mean we're out of mayo?" People don't act like this M. Night!

0:45 - Halfway done. This movie is bad. It's clearly plants doing this, we get it. I'll recycle my cans now M. Night, mission accomplished. Wahlberg's wife admits to having dessert with Joey, that's it. And it's not Joey Potter, it's a dude. Swing and a miss.

0:48 - People start shooting themselves and Wahlberg's wife goes "We can't just stand here as uninvolved observers!" which is interesting because I think if I heard people blowing their brains out my first statement would not be nearly as well thought out and would be closer to "Holy f*cking sh*t!!! Oh f*ck, oh f*ck. Run! F*ck them, save yourself. I think I sh*t my pants. Run!"

0:51 - They just tried to out run wind. You've got to be kidding. It didn't work. Sadly, it also didn't kill them.

0:54 - They are now in an abandoned house and Wahlberg is talking to a house plant as if he's a hostage negotiator, it turns out to be plastic. I really think I could do every drug on the planet in a hour and this movie would still seem ludicrous to me. But what a hour that would be, huh?

0:57 - So it appears it kills people only in large groups, so they try to keep their group small to survive. Also, a man just turned on a lawnmower and laid down in front of it as it ran him over. Fun!

1:02 - Remember that Bruce Willis movie "The Kid"? Well the kid from that movie just took a shotgun blast to the chest and his friend took one in the head. Walhberg says "I want out of this nightmare" I concur.

1:06 - Wahlberg and Co. come to a rundown old house and the old woman living there offers them dinner. She doesn't know what's "happened". This woman's got some pain behind her eyes.

1:14 - Well it got the old woman, she was a loon anyway. She had this weird doll sleeping in a bed. Never trust anyone over 12 who has dolls. She slammed her head against the house then into a window.

1:20 - Wahlberg is in one house, his wife is in another. They can hear each other through a pipe somehow. He says it's not right and if they're gonna die they will die together and goes outside to see her and she comes outside too. I have nothing funny here, it's just so sad.

1:23 - It didn't kill them. Hooray. Fast forward to some time after, the news thinks it's a warning for people to treat the planet better. Also, Wahlberg's wife is now preggers.

1:26 - It starts "happening" in Paris. The end?

Well that might very well have been the worst movie ever. I understand the theme of how terrible we treat this planet, but the dialogue and acting were simply atrocious. I did enjoy one part, when Mark Wahlberg says to himself "Be scientific douchebag."

I don't like to label things as best ever or worst ever often, but I am having a difficult time coming up with something that would top this piece of crap. Feel free to email if you can think of a worse movie.

After watching this, if the Sox lose to the Yankees as well tonight then I am laying in front of a moving lawnmower after the game.