Monday, July 27, 2009

Ever seen "Event Horizon"? Yeah, you don't need to see "Event Horizon"

So let's be honest here, we do not have the funds to keep reviewing new movies for our loyal followers every week. Sometimes we may have to go to the vault and discuss a movie that isn't exactly the new craze at the cinemas, but hey we're trying our best here.

That being said, HBO has been playing the Sci-Fi thriller "Event Horizon" very frequently the past week and I figured since I'd never seen it then why not give it a chance? Then I thought so many people now have HBO so they can check out the new episode of "Hung" every Sunday I should inform anyone who was like me and thought about devoting 90 minutes to Larry Fishburne and Dr Grant from "Jurassic Park" in space. Not your best work fellas.

"Event Horizon" came out in 1997 and what happens in a nut shell is this spaceship called the Event Horizon (title in the movie!, always popular) gets sent out close to Venus (Oh I should mention this is one of those movies where they drastically overestimate how fast space travel would advance in terms of time and there are colonies on the moon in 2011) and it disappears. Seven years later, guess who's back? The ship appears out of nowhere and Larry Fishburne and his crew are sent to go check it out and rescue any survivors. Along with the crew is Dr. Weir, who built the Event Horizon and as we are introduced to him in the beginning we see he has a "past". Well they get to the ship, blood everywhere, no crew, and apparently the ship has somehow travelled through a black hole and brought hell back with it. Shenanigans ensue, people start seeing their worst nightmares, people start dying, and get this, Fishburne and his crew's ship gets destroyed, so they have to get home on the "Horizon". Oh how are they gonna get out of this pickle??

Some of the movie is pretty scary, as there is a video they find of what happened to the old crew that's really disturbing, but other than that I found it to be kind of lame. I mean this could just be me, but I am not a fan when the "monster" or "evil" in a movie is simply something that shows you bad things or takes over your mind. That doesn't do it for me, I need something with fangs or one big arm accompanied by a little one. One scene really made me mad when a woman thinks she sees her son on the ship and follows him. Was your son on your ship? Does he have the technology or the knowledge that could enable him to fly his own ship to yours? Of course not, it's not him, don't follow the hallucination, you deserved to fall down that shaft.

Two final thoughts, Joely Richardson from "Nip Tuck" was in this movie. She didn't do much and wasn't particularly good in it, but I came away realizing she's British in real life and she does an American accent on the show. Good for her and honestly I am really impressed by a lot of British actors who are able to handle American speak so well. Say what you will about Colin Farrell (I know he's Irish, still counts) but he can speak like he's from the States like nobody's business. Damian Lewis from "Band of Brothers" and NBC's "Life" is another British actor who sounds more like an American than I do and I am from the birthplace of this great nation.

Lastly, before the movie started they do what they always do and show why a movie is rated whatever it's rated. For PG-13 you'll usually get an Adult Content and an Adult Language. But for R, it's anybody's game and let's face it, we all hope for that beautiful uppercase N that stands for Nudity. "Event Horizon" has that N people, but it's for the dreaded Bad Nudity. BN can hit at anytime and in this picture it's when we see a flashback of Dr. Weir's wife slitting her wrists in a bathtub. When you wait a hour into a movie to see what this Nudity business is all about and it turns out it's a naked chick in a tub offing herself, well it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. Some other BN moments in case you're wondering is the scene from "The Shining" with the chick in the tub (see a pattern?) and anytime it's a man's ass.

So in conclusion, yeah you don't need to see this movie, unless Jake Noseworthy is your nephew and if he is and you haven't seen it by now then I don't think you two have the most heartwarming talks at Easter anyways.

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