Wednesday, December 2, 2009

I want you to hit me as hard as you can

“Fight Club” is one of my favorite movies of all-time (check my facebook info) and I thought a fitting way to honor the film about fighting strangers was to list my top 12 favorite “Fight Club” quotes. You might be asking, “Why 12?” Well I picked out all my favorite quotes and there were 12 of them and rather than cut two of them, I thought “What would Tyler Durden do?” (hey, that’s another website!) Tyler wouldn’t let his quote list be conformed down to some arbitrary number that David Letterman popularized. I am my own person with my own number of quotes and it shouldn’t matter if other people expect 10, I AM USING 12! NOW PUNCH ME IN THE FACE!!

(Note: I kept the curse words in because I feel using asterisks or the pound sign would take away from the quote. You’ve seen/said/heard the word before, it won’t fucking kill you. See, you’re fine.)

(Note 2: Also, I didn’t include the Rules of Fight Club quote. I just felt like it was played out and has been used in so many lame ways since so why bother. i.e. The first rule about the Willingham’s Family Bowl Night is you don’t talk about the Willingham’s Family Bowl Night)

12. It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. – Tyler
I love stuff, love it. I love my HDTV, my Mac, my Xbox 360, and my collection of sports jerseys featuring a Golden State Warriors Chris Webber jersey. So don’t mistake my adoration of this movie or this quote in particular as me being some kind of minimalist. But I do think I am a bit held down by my possessions and hey maybe if I lost them all I’d be happier living in a broken down old house making soap. Doubtful, but I like the quote so it stays. Also, I do realize I just laid out a nice checklist for any robber casing my place.

11. This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. – Narrator
I never really thought about that until I heard this quote. It’s sad, it’s scary and in no way uplifting. But I am sucker for things I never considered before.

10. All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not. – Tyler
I frequently imagine this is what Tom Brady would say to me if we ever met. Would I like him less if he did? Absolutely not.

9. You're the worst thing that's ever happened to me. – Marla
I think most people have wanted to say this to another person at some point in our lives and it always made me laugh how matter-of-factly Marla says it. I think Helena Bonham Carter is pretty by the way. I don’t care that she is always in Us Weekly dressed like a bag lady, I’m down with HBC.

8. You don't know where I've been. You don't know where I've been. Just let us have the basement, Lou! – Tyler
For those of you not familiar with this scene, it’s when the bar owner finds out about the Fight Club in the basement and proceeds to beat Tyler Durden’s face into oblivion. When he gets up to leave, a bloodied Tyler jumps up screaming and coughing blood on him until he lets them stay. I really like this scene and am fully aware that’s unsettling. Just to further add on to my psychosis, this would be my defense if I got into a fight that I knew I couldn’t win. Take a few hits to the face, play dead, then cough blood on the guy/girl when he/she turns away and yell “Remember when this happened in ‘Fight Club’”? How could they not run away crying, it’s bulletproof

7. Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted. – Tyler
This is when Tyler threatens to kill the shop clerk and then lets him live and through this act gives him a new lease on life. I always liked when Tyler finds a community college id in the clerk’s wallet and asks what he studied. The clerk replies “Stuff” and Tyler says “Stuff? Were the midterms hard?” That’s classic Tyler.

6. Is that your blood?
Some of it, yeah. – Narrator

It’s great that Edward Norton is talking to his boss when he says this, but the quote would be great regardless. He’s just so nonchalant about having his and another person’s blood on his clothes at work that it’s almost impossible to continue questioning it. But the weird thing is imagine if you saw someone at work with blood on their clothes. Would you ask them if it’s theirs? Hell no, the guy has blood on him at work! You smile at them, send a quick email to HR and then take the next week off and let the people who were too slow to realize they were working with Psycho McBloodstain deal with the madness.

5. WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! Ok, you are now firing a gun at your 'imaginary friend' near 400 GALLONS OF NITROGLYCERINE! – Tyler
I really liked how this movie can take the most serious situations, like firing a gun at a truck full of explosives, and make it hilarious. Not much else to add here as this quote kind of speaks for itself.

4. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep. Do not... fuck with us. – Tyler
I feel like this would be extremely terrifying to hear if you were rich, and I love rich people being scared. I should have said this to the woman in the BMW who cut me off the other day but saying “We are the people you depend on to review movies on a podcast you don’t listen to” doesn’t have the same effect.

3. You met me at a very strange time in my life. – Narrator
The last line in the movie is so priceless because throughout the entire film characters are constantly exaggerating their circumstances and speaking in hyperbole, but this is one of the biggest understatements I have ever heard. That’s why I love it.

2. Motherfucker! You hit me in the ear! – Tyler
This is the first fight scene and I give major credit to it because it plays out the way two guys who don’t know how to fight hit each other. It’s not like Rocky IV where it’s carefully choreographed and guys simply trade punches to the face. If someone’s in a fight for the first time things like an ear punch, hair pull, elbow in the armpit, or grab to the balls will probably happen.

1. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off. –Tyler
I was raised on television. I did think I’d be famous someday. I am kinda pissed off about this. Certainly not the level of pissed where I wanna hit someone or burn my hand or destroy the country’s credit system, but pissed nonetheless. And that’s why this is my favorite quote from “Fight Club”. Sadly, I never got the chance to drunkenly recite this in college to the people waiting in line at Taco Bell at 2am.

So there’s my list. Hopefully you saw some of your own favorite quotes on here and if not, feel free to email me yours. And remember, the first rule about Really Reel Reviews is talk about it as much as possible to as many people as possible. Seriously.

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